Abortion is Wrong
Homosexuality is Wrong
Evolution is Wrong
Buttermilk is Wrong
Putting cold gravy on your leftovers is just Wrong
Area = 16 meters squared is Wrong
When I was younger, I spent a good deal of time deciding what was RIGHT and what was WRONG. These are important decisions for a kid, and I didn’t take it lightly. My Right-Wrong Spectrum has gone through a lot of changes since I owned a Huffy 5 speed and made forts with Bethany. Let’s make some lists:
At age Seven, in the second grade:
- It was WRONG to unzip my fly and show my swimsuit zone to the girl on the playground (Honestly, I was comparing mine to Ian Jefferson’s and somebody behind me yelled my name. I turned around and, bada-bing; I’m a 7-year-old sex offender).
- It was RIGHT to immediately admit when I was caught and apologize to the girl
- It was RIGHT to bike away from the boys who wanted to sneak into the old lady’s house on the hill and look for ghosts
- It was RIGHT for me to not fight back when Joseph slide-tackled me into the mud, for no other reason than he’s a douche.
- It was WRONG for me to color the grass on my picture side to side, instead of up-and-down

So wrong, in fact, that I never drew again, and learned to play drums to keep the art teacher off my back.
At age 13, in the seventh grade:
- It was WRONG for me to be honest with Brooke about why I didn’t want to date her (she was not much of a looker and real annoying)
- It was RIGHT for me to complete my homework and submit it on time, not resorting to cheating.
- It was mostly WRONG for me to watch Scream at a Christmas party with some friends, even though I wasn’t 17. It wasn’t illegal, it just felt mostly WRONG.
- It was mostly RIGHT for me to become friends with Orin, the boy from church who was next geek down on the totem pole. I became his friends, but was urged by my mother to do so. I wouldn’t have otherwise, but I was legitimately his friend, so it was mostly RIGHT.
At age 20, my junior year in college:
- It is mostly RIGHT for me to give money to missions organizations who advertise on campus. If I can be guilted into the right thing, it’s still mostly RIGHT.
- It is WRONG for me to pick on gay people. I’ve never done it, but seeing other people do it puts knots in my stomach, so it must be WRONG.
- It is mostly WRONG for a missionary to marry a 12-year-old in a village in Africa. It means that the whole village found out about Jesus, but she’s twelve, so it’s iffy.
- It is mostly WRONG for me to drink alcohol. I’m not 21, but it isn’t hurting anybody and if I’m safe, what’s the big deal.
At age 25, married with a graduate degree:
- It’s mostly RIGHT for me to speak up when I think that Andrea and I disagree. If I do it in a disrespectful or “cheap shot” manner, then it’s WRONG.
- It’s mostly WRONG of me to stay at work until 5:30 p.m. every day. I get to work at 7:30, so I don’t need to put in such long hours, but I want to do my job well.
- It’s neither right nor wrong to drive to work on my day off. It is a decision that carries consequences and isn’t a moral issue.
- It’s kinda RIGHT for me to listen to my student as she tells me about her drug use, and plans to run away from home. It feels WRONG to then go tell the school counselor, as I am mandated to do.
As you can see, the issues become less and less clear as one gets older. In fact, I will contend mathematically with the following diagrams:
Age Seven Diagram – As you can see, 100% of my decisions were divided up roughly 15% wrong and 85% right. They were one or the other. Eating vegetables fell into the blue zone, flashing classmates in the red zone.
Age Thirteen Diagram – A bit more complex, right and wrong are now extremes of a spectrum, with some decisions more right or more wrong than others. Watching Scream is kinda wrong, but watching ArmaGetItOn online when my parents are asleep is very wrong. Good thing I never did that.
Age Twenty Diagram – Now decisions can be both right and wrong, with components of each. For example, passing a test (right) because I cheated (wrong) can have elements of both. To keep a friendship (Right) I tell a friend that they are annoying (ehh… neither?), but I tell them in a nice way (right) because I care about them (right) in a strategically worded Facebook message (wrong).
Age Twenty-Five Diagram – At this point, a myriad of factors influences every decision. Before a decision can be declared RIGHT or WRONG, it must be weighed by checking it against the Obligations from work, gut feelings, and family opinions, among others. Often, there isn’t time to analyze each input, so the decision is made sometimes without any concern for its right-ness or wrong-ness. Sometimes shit just needs be gettin done, know what ah’m sayin?
So, by my mathematical reckoning, the decisions become more and more complex as life’s influences grow more numerous. Ergo, the more complex one’s life, the harder it is to distinguish right from wrong. I have work and home, and I’m already screwing the theoretical pooch when it comes to some very big decisions. I can’t imagine how much more complicated my Right-Wrong spectrum will get once I have kids, or a house, or a job with more responsibility. I will definitely have more respect for burdened people making bad decisions.
Luckily for me, I have a wife who is quick to forgive my shortcomings and even quicker to apologize for her own. It would really suck to have a whole country (or even a county) telling me when my Right-Wrong Seesaw tilted the wrong direction because I gave too much weight to “Popular Opinion”.
The truth is, friends, that the world doesn’t work in blacks and whites, but in reds and yellows and greens and kindas and maybes and “little bit”s. Those that worry about making a wrong decision are those who abstain from committing. I trust that the benevolent force in the universe (God) has a firm stance on RIGHT and WRONG, and respects us for trying our best to weigh our see-saws. Sometimes it’s the effects of a decision that make it right or wrong.
For more on that, watch Battlestar Galactica. Some say it’s a parallel of the war on terror; I say it’s a slick, well-produced epic spanning 3.5 seasons and offering a glimpse into human nature alongside a stellar soundtrack. Plus there’s spaceships and lasers and shit.









